BUY-CYCLE

People now a days have found a new pass-time in the form of debating – there is the ‘rising food and petrol prices’ debate of the ‘common man’, the ‘Women’s Reservation Bill’ debate of the Parliament, ‘Will the world end someday soon’ debate on IndiaTV. But one debate that caught my eye and in my opinion is much above the ideas of national and social interest is – ‘what to really call this present generation’ debate.

In recent history, people of various social standards who have no other better work to do, have debated on the status of the present Indian generation. They have come up with names like – Gen-X, Gen-Y, Gen-Rowdy, Gen-Useless etc. Since I realized that I neither have a social standard nor any better work to do, I should come up with one common thing that could define the entire generation of India and eventually turned up with the name that I am sure is going to change the way we look at the youngsters in India. Hence, I proudly present to you what I call, the Generation – F.

Even Ballu didn’t understand the meaning of my research and study. But then Ballu was always more interested in food than any research. Since you people look more interested (this I gather from the fact that you are still reading inspite of my bad English), I had like you to perform a simple but effective test to better understand what I mean by Gen-F.

Step1: Stand in-front of a full length mirror.
Step2: Stop admiring your face.
Step3: Look at your stomach.
Step 4: Try to conceal the horrid expression on your face realizing how fat you are.
Step 5: If you still think that by Gen-F, I mean ‘Generation-Facebook’ then repeat Step 3 and Step 4.

After a long session with the mirror, recurring steps of looking at your tummy and constant denials you will, like poor Ballu, realize that you, like million other Indians, belong to the ‘Gen-Fat’.

It has been a tradition in India, politically motivated by relatives and neighborhood aunties to call a child healthy only if he is the size of a small baby elephant. If they had their way, they would change the definition of ‘healthy’ from 8-pack to 1-large-sack.

Marriages, I have come to understand are the biggest sources of food for the entire Indian Gen-Fat. Marriage is one place where even the size zero freaks would lose self control simply because everything is free. The families in India are sometimes so huge, that you have the chance to grab some free marriage meal almost every weak. Mothers would specifically instruct their children to eat everything they can. You can even find there the grandmothers, who have been instructed by the doctor, sneaking away a cup or two of ice-creams. Just who said that nothing comes for free?

Ballu often used to say that he never exercised because he was worried, like many plump people that increased physical activity might increase his appetite. I was horrified by even the idea of increasing his appetite. I mean the guy was already half the size of Khali. But when I searched the topic on Internet, I found that a controlled study of overweight individuals did not reveal a proportionate increase in appetite with exercise, lending support to the positive role of physical activity in reaching the goal of a negative Caloric balance and resulting weight loss. Ballu, however didn’t understand a single word I said (The problem with Ballu was that he only understood things that revolved around food or similar content).

There are many small and big problems that form the part and parcel of being fat. People get tired easily now a days, they feel old at a very young age, fat people complain about rising oil prices the most because they do not want to use the power of their fat legs to walk even small distances, there are the heart problems, sugar and various other medical terms that I chose, long ago, not to learn. Also, I wouldn’t want to give you an early heart-attack by giving you the statistics of people dying of heart diseases in India (dare Google it huh?). You wouldn’t believe that people are actually having kids sooner than they had planned because they are not sure if they are going to live long enough to see them getting fat! (Please don’t believe that. Because of the anti-social element that I am, I made it up)

Well! as pessimistic as it may sound and as optimistic as we may want to be, it is a hard reality that we must gulp down our throats like poison – WE ARE FAT and we are getting fatter day after day - using our big sedan just to impress neighbors, sitting in office (mostly lazing around and chatting) and lying on sofa watching IPL. Ballu, meanwhile, sitting in the heavens, cursing his wife why she cooked such wonderful ‘parathas’, must be wondering why I didn’t write this article earlier. My dear friend, that’s because I never liked you anyways and had a little crush on your wife as well. For all you guys still reading this article please follow the advice Baba Ramdev forgot to give (because he was busy shaving) – BUY CYCLE.